Everything
by gategirl
Summary: She's tired of hiding how she feels, tired of pretending. She's finally built up the courage to tell him how she feels. S/J


Authors Note: Set around the time Sam's Dad died. Just a little oneshot that came to me one night. Hope you like it. Read and Review

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Samantha Carter sat at her father's funeral watching numbly as they lowered his coffin into the ground. She felt a tear slide down her face and wiped it away irritably. She looked around at the crowd of mourners, hoping that no one had seen her moment of weakness. Most of those in attendance were air force and the last thing she wanted to do was look weak in front of them. She'd spent too long being one of the boys to lose all their hard won respect now. She choked back the tears, her eyes still scanning the crowd. She let out a small gasp as her eyes fell on him. Even though his eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses she could feel them on her. He gave her a sad smile and she felt a fresh wave of tears threaten.

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Sam pulled up in front of his house, her hands shaking as she turned the car off and reached for the handle. She took a deep breath and got out of the car, making her way unsteadily up his front walk. She stood at his front door, staring at it, trying to work up the courage to knock. She raised her hand to knock but let it fall back to her side again. She closed her eyes tightly, fighting a fresh wave of tears as her dad's voice echoed in her mind. _'I just want you to be happy. Don't let rules get in your way.'_

She raised her hand again, knocking before she could change her mind. She forced herself to stand still as every instinct inside her was telling her to run. The door swung open and she found herself staring into his eyes.

"Can I come in?" The words were hers, but the voice seemed alien to her, there was so much fear and pain in it.

He gestured for her to come inside, his eyes never leaving hers. She passed so close to him that a small charge of static electricity sparked between them. He followed her into the house, waiting silently as she looked around in apparent fascination. He knew she was stalling for time, be he didn't understand why she was there. Well, that wasn't exactly true. He could guess why she was here and why now, but he couldn't even let that thought register. That thought led down a dangerous road, a road they couldn't take.

He leaned against the living room wall, watching her in silence as she moved around the room.

She was stalling, she knew that. She had thought that coming here would be the hardest part. But this was the hardest part; she had no idea where to begin. "This is really hard," she murmured, mostly to herself.

Jack heard her, he was standing too close not to. His breath hitched a little and he felt his eyebrows raise, an automatic reaction to what he knew she was building up to. "Carter," he said, trying to make his tone commanding as he moved into her line of sight.

She reached out to stop him, her hand grazing the uncovered skin of his forearm where he had pushed his shirt sleeves up. "Please Jack, just let me say it, for once. I need to." The tone in her voice, the feel of her hand as it brushed across his skin, the sound of his name on her lips, had him mesmerized and frozen in place.

"Before my Dad died," Sam began, her voice breaking a little. Jack couldn't help himself, taking her hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze. She gave him a smile, her eyes shimmering with tears. "He asked me if I was happy. And I told him that of course I was, but he's always been able to see through me when I lie."

"Sam," Jack said softly, trying to stop her from saying something he knew she'd regret later.

But she wasn't listening to him, her free hand moving up his arm and resting on his broad chest. "I don't want to be without you anymore Jack," she whispered, her eyes catching his.

The warmth of her hand on his chest and the liquid emotion in her eyes almost made him forget the reality of the situation, his heart nearly wrestling his mind into submission. "Sam," Jack said, his voice soft. "You don't know what you're saying. You're grieving. Grief does things to people." He tried to pull away from her but her hands tightened their grip on him refusing to let go.

She shook her head. "No," she said emphatically. "I know what I'm saying, I know what it means for my career and I don't care. I love you Jack. I've loved you for a long time now. I've hidden from it and made excuses for too long. My Dad," Sam said, her voice faltering, tears sliding down her face. Jack pulled her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around him, holding onto him as a sob escaped her.

Jack held her to him, his hands moving soothingly up and down her back. He rested his head on top of hers, holding her to him as she cried softly in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder, silently taking the comfort he offered.

"He wanted me to be happy," Sam managed to whisper. "It was his dying wish," she said in a strangled voice. She pulled back from him, just enough that she could look him in the eyes. "Don't you understand Jack? I can't be happy without you."

Jack didn't know what to say, he had never really expected this day to come. "Sam… I," he began to speak but closed his mouth when he realized he didn't know what to say.

Sam angled her head and raised her eyebrows at him, a small smile quirking the ends of her lips. "You should see your face right now," she said trying hard not to let her smile grow. "I have _never_ seen you this terrified," Sam said, a small chuckle escaping her lips.

"I know you Jack," she said, turning serious again. "I know you well enough to know that you don't have a clue what to say right now. All I need to know right now is if you feel the same, if you want to be with me. Because everything else can wait. I just need to know if I'm wasting my time."

"You're not," he said, the words soft and hesitant, as though he was afraid to say them. His eyes held hers, the look in them one she had seen before, from the other side of a force shield.

She didn't give him time to think, to analyze and rationalize and talk himself out of it. She saw her opportunity and took it, moving quickly to close the distance between them. Her mouth pressed against his, a soft sigh escaping her lips at the contact. She had waited far too long, finally able to gather her courage and make a move, to let this chance pass her by.

Sam expected him to freeze, to pull away, anything but what he did. Jack pulled her closer to him, his hands moving up to frame her face, pulling it closer and deepening the kiss. They pulled apart only when the need for air became too great to ignore. His hands still framed her face, his forehead resting on hers.

"It's not exactly easy for me to express my _feelings_," he said, the word 'feelings' coming out with such disgust that Sam had to laugh. "But... I don't want to keep pretending that I don't miss you when you're not around. I don't want to keep pretending that it doesn't bother me when you go out with other men. I hated every moment you were with Pete," Jack admitted, his voice rough with emotion. "I'm tired of pretending that I don't want to be with you when that's all I can think about. I love you Sam. I've loved you for a really long time now," he said, his fingers stroking her face gently. He placed his lips gently over hers, the kiss unbelievably tender and heartachingly perfect.

Sam wrapped her arms around him, her heart bursting with so much happiness that she didn't think her body could contain it all. And even though she knew he was gone, Sam could swear that she felt her father with her at that moment. Without him prompting her, she knew she'd never have had the courage to go for what she wanted. And she could all but hear his smug words of '_told you so'._

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**_THE END_**


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